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‘Listen To Your Heart’ Week 4 Recap: Bachelor Producers Strike Again

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Before we get to the recap, I’d like to take a moment of silence for my man Sheridan.

Thank you.

Like many men before him, Sheridan fell for a woman who did not reciprocate the feelings he had for her. To the audience, it was pretty clear from the beginning that Julia (Sheridan’s unrequited love) was more into Brandon. It just so happened that Brandon was more interested in Savannah, which created quite the love t̶r̶i̶a̶n̶g̶l̶e̶ square. As much as I fault Julia for stringing Sheridan along even though it was obvious they didn’t share a romantic connection, the real culprit of last night’s drama is the producers.

The entire flow of the house was flipped upside down when the producers split up three couples and made them go on dates with other people. They really just wanted Julia and Brandon to go out, but they couldn’t make it too obvious, so they made Rudi and Chris and Jamie and Ryan go on dates too. Their plan worked. Brandon and Julia’s date broke up their relationships with Sheridan and Savannah, and it appeared as though neither of them has ever broken up with someone before. However, while it was clear Julia was never really interested in Sheridan, Brandon was going to do and say anything under the sun to stay on this show…even if it meant coupling up with his second choice.

Brandon, the 34-year-old folk-pop singer from Nashville, is the definition of a fuckboy. I’d say most men go through a fuckboy phase of their lives, which I’ll attribute to immaturity and raging hormones…but most men grow out of this stage in life by their mid-twenties. Some may even take their fuckboy tendencies with them into their late twenties (30 is pushing it), but these men were more than likely late bloomers, so they’re making up for lost time. But then there are the rare instances, in Brandon’s case for example, where the guy continues to act like a 19-year-old frat boy into his mid-30’s (or later). I realize that this is The Bachelor universe we’re talking about here, so fuckboys come with the territory, but most are in their twenties! By the time a guy is 34, he should pretty much know what he wants and be done playing games. Unfortunately for Savannah, Julia, and Sheridan, Brandon is still trying to figure out his life, and they were all expelled from the show because of it.

The sad reality of LTYH is that unlike the traditional Bachelor and Bachelorette shows, they’re messing with people’s careers. These aspiring musicians have been slaving away in the industry for years waiting for their opportunity to break out, and by getting cast in this show, it’s a real opportunity for people in the music industry to take notice. However, they’re forced to make a romantic connection at the same time, or risk getting booted off the show. Aside from Chris and Bri, I’m not convinced any of the remaining couples share a real connection. Rather, they’re faking it to stay on the show longer and receive more notoriety…which I don’t blame them for AT ALL.

Matt and Rudi seem to share a genuine connection, but based on the preview of next week’s episode, I don’t think they’ll last. My prediction is that Rudi’s jealous side comes out and Matt can’t handle it.

Trevor and Jamie not having a serious connection is a hot take from me. I think that on the surface, everything seems fine, but Trevor is slowly starting to realize that Jamie is a child, and he’s going to have to babysit her through every performance. I’m referring to the fact that she dreads going on stage and then cries after the performance because she doesn’t think she sang well because of her nerves. On the other hand, Trevor is a 29-year-old guy who’s comfortable with his ability and shouldn’t have to console his girlfriend before and after every time she takes the stage.

“Fuck this” – Trevor, probably.

Our last and fakest couple remaining is Ryan and Natascha. While Ryan’s feelings seem pretty genuine, Natascha is faker than Kylie Jenner’s face. I will 100% guarantee that Natascha breaks up with Ryan the minute she signs with a record label after this season. I hate to say it, but she’s got a great voice. She’s been complimented after both of their performances by actual music critics/producers, not just a former Bachelorette. Her career is probably going to take off after this, and I hate that arguably the worst person (it’s a toss-up between her and Brandon) on this show could have the best career. My disdain for Natascha began the minute she came on the show and confronted Trevor about cheating on his ex-girlfriend. She clearly knew nothing about the situation and only wanted to start drama, which is great for the show but makes her a shitty person. I’m still not even convinced she knows Trevor’d ex. From that moment on, Natascha has been public enemy numero uno in my mind. She had been relatively quiet, drama-wise, until last night when she told Julia (five minutes before her performance) that Brandon the Fuckboy said he would’ve chosen Savannah, had she wanted to stay. What world is Natascha from where she thinks that that could be interpreted as anything other than sabotage? And as we know, Julia and Brandon got voted off the show because they gave a bad performance…Natascha’s plan worked.

Even though she has the voice of an angel, Natascha is (as Elvis Presley put it) the devil in disguise. I just hope Ryan and the judges realize it before she wins this damn show. However, it’s going to be tough to match what Chris and Bri are putting out there. In all the seasons of the Bachelor I’ve watched, I’ve never seen two people so genuinely in love. They’re going to be a tough couple to beat, especially if they really do get married next week.

 

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‘Modern Family’ Finale Marks the End of an Era

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The series finale of Modern Family aired tonight, capping off 11 seasons of one of the most successful sitcoms in history. Much like the Lakers were the team of the 1980’s, Modern Family was the show of the 2010’s, especially because it spanned the entire length of the decade. In my personal opinion, I think it’s the last of its kind. Networks are struggling to compete with platforms like Netflix, Hulu, and Prime Video which allow for so much more artistic freedom. Seriously, when was the last time anyone really cared about a show on CBS, NBC, ABC, or FOX? I’m not saying people don’t watch the shows on those networks, but premium cable and streaming services are dominating the industry and awards shows.

Therefore, the finale of Modern Family marks the end of an era that we very likely will never see again. My family and I have watched this show religiously since the pilot episode, and we’ve celebrated the countless Emmy’s and Golden Globes that it received over the years like the Dodgers had just won the World Series. It’s stretch of FIVE consecutive Emmy wins for “Best Comedy Series” is only matched by Frasier, and is a feat I’m sure will never be reached again. Only the 1949-1953 Yankees have matched that type of success, and that was back when pitchers topped out at 85 and players still needed offseason jobs to survive. I’ll even go on record to say that those early seasons of Modern Family are undoubtedly the best of any sitcom in the last 25 years, and possibly of all time (you’ll need a boomer to tell you if it was better than Golden Girls or whatever shows they watched before the Clinton presidency). Yes, that means I hold it in higher regard than The Office and Friends, two of the most beloved shows by people of my generation. I’m not saying those weren’t good/great shows, I’m just saying that Modern Family was better. And just like The Office and Friends, I think Modern Family will have a resurgence in a couple years when younger people rediscover it on Hulu and realize just how awesome it was.

However, I’d be lying if I said I thought every season was better than the last, because they weren’t. But do you realize how hard it would be to write 250 equally amazing episodes of a single show? Eventually, the storyline falls a bit flat, the actors don’t exude the same charisma they did in the early seasons, or key characters exit the show. It happened to The Office when Michael left, in Friends when Joey and Rachel started to have feelings for each other, and to Modern Family when they brought back Dylan. I’ve never known what it’s like to write 22 minutes of intriguing TV, but even I knew that was a lame decision. But by then they had accomplished so much that it didn’t spoil anything about the series for me, unlike season 8 of Game of Thrones. I’d say season seven was the last truly great season of the show, even though the later episodes were still more enjoyable than anything else on network TV.

It would be impossible to write about Modern Family without reminiscing about some of its best episodes. I’ve narrowed it down to my top three episodes from the series: “My Funky Valentine”, “Family Portrait”, and “Caught in the Act”. “My Funky Valentine” introduced us to Phil and Claire’s sexy alter ego’s: Clive Bixby and Juliana, who they play when they want to spice things up in their relationship. “Family Portrait” set up an awkward situation for Phil when Gloria kisses him on the “Kiss Cam” at a Lakers game. He’s worried that Jay and Claire are going to find out and be pissed, which makes Phil act even weirder than he usually is. Plus the episode gave us on of the series’ most iconic family photos.

However, my all-time favorite episode is “Caught in the Act” which is where the Dunphy kids walk in on their parents having sex. Eventually Jay and Gloria are brought into the mix, because what father wouldn’t want to hear about his daughter having sex?! I also want to give a shoutout to “Manny Get Your Gun” which features one of my favorite Mitch and Cam scenes ever.

I’ve watched a lot of shows from start to finish in my life, but this one cuts deep. It was one of the first shows (aside from Disney or Nickelodeon) that I watched on a weekly basis. Now that I’ve started reminiscing about old episodes and watched some of my favorite scenes, it makes me realize how much of my life this show was on the air and how influential it’s been on not only me, but my family as well. Shows like this always feel like they’ll be around forever, but the sad reality is that all good things must come to an end. Wednesday’s at 9 PM won’t feel the same without you. Now if you don’t mind, excuse me while I binge all 250 episodes of Modern Family through the rest of this quarantine.

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‘The Bachelor’ Finale Pt. 1 Recap + Alice Springs, Australia Is the Most Disappointing Proposal Location Ever

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The first installment of the finale of Peter’s season of The Bachelor aired last night, and yikes was that an uncomfortable two hours. As with most of the season, Hannah Ann didn’t do anything especially memorable other than capturing the hearts and minds of Peter’s family. Hannah Ann is to the Bachelor what Oklahoma is to college football. She’ll be a strong title contender all season, even show flashes of being the favorite, but will eventually lose to someone from Alabama. On paper, she should be everything Peter wants. Their relationship hasn’t had any hiccups thus far, she’s polite, beautiful, and would probably make a great life partner. I could listen to her say “oh my word” forever.

But, as has been evident all season, Peter wants a challenge. And if Victoria F. wasn’t enough of a nightmare, Peter now wants a woman who is the complete opposite of him – but she’s hot. At least Victoria F. liked to party and is open to premarital sex (allegedly) like Peter. On the other hand, Madison is saving herself for marriage and doesn’t even drink alcohol. Now, that’s not the end of the world, but for a guy like Peter who is famous for having sex four times in a windmill and is the type of guy (according to his younger brother) who comes home from trips and likes to go clubbing.Not ideal for a girl who probably goes to sleep by 9 pm on a Saturday night to rest up for church on Sunday.

And we finally found out who Peter’s mom was hysterically pleading with Peter to BRING HOOOMMMMEEEE.

It was regarding Hannah Ann, which was a surprise to me BEFORE I saw how well she interacted with his family last night. Madison had already met them in person and she’s Peter’s clear #1 – I thought for sure that’s who Peter’s mom was referring to. But nope, as far as first impressions go, it’s tough to win over the hearts of your potential future in-laws when you immediately start talking about the ultimatum you gave their son (Madison claims it wasn’t an ultimatum but it really was). Then on their date a couple days later, Madison realizes it’s never going to work between the two of them and ends things with Peter.

However, I think there was a collective cheer around the country when Madison stood up for herself against Peter’s mom, who is officially the WORST. Do I agree with Madison’s ultimatum? No. But Peter’s mom is in no position to lecture Madison on the choices she’s made for herself or her relationship with Peter. Let her and Peter figure that one out on their own. It was also super unfair of her to cry and beg Peter to choose Hannah Ann when she could clearly see that his heart was with Madison. Like, doesn’t she already see how hard this is for him? Now he’s gotta worry about keeping his mom from being hysterical over him choosing another woman?? Why can’t they just support their son’s decision like every other Bachelor’s family? They just went about everything the wrong way, and while their overbearing parents shtick was cute in the beginning, after last night I am not a fan of the Weber’s.

I’m predicting that in tonight’s episode we’ll see Peter end things with Hannah Ann and he’ll go after Madison (since we saw in the preview that Madison regrets her decision). The only thing throwing me for a loop is that according to Chris Harrison “even Peter doesn’t know how it will end”. Have Peter and Madison just been dating since the show ended and he’ll propose tonight? That’s the most logical scenario, but since nothing with Peter this season has been logical, all bets are off.

Why Alice Springs?

Sydney, Melbourne, Perth, Brisbane, Cairns, I could go on and on. How in the hell did Bachelor producers land on Alice Springs, Australia of all places as the location for the finale/proposal? I’m pretty sure this website doesn’t have a largeAustralian following, so I’ll be completely honest…Alice Springs could be the worst city The Bachelor has ever gone to, and they’ve been to Cleveland! It’s about as exciting of a location as Victorville, CA. I thought maybe there was more to Alice Springs than we were shown, but then I watched this tourism video about the city and my assumptions were confirmed – total shithole, which actually makes it more like Blythe than Victorville; it’s never a good sign when the first half of a tourism video is spent talking about an old post office. However, I will give credit where credit is due. Uluru is a badass rock. 10/10 would climb if given an all expenses paid trip to Northern Territory.

Australia, Northern Territory, National Park Uluru-Kata Tjuta listed as World Heritage by UNESCO, Ayers Rock or Uluru, sandstone rock sacred place for the Aboriginal people

But, a cool rock in the middle of an otherwise desolate region doesn’t excuse Bachelor producers for this decision. Imagine being Hannah Ann or Madison and thinking you’re on your way to the Great Barrier Reef or Sydney but all you get is a dusty picnic in the desert with flies circling you the whole time?

I guarantee Madison doesn’t break up with Peter if they go snorkeling instead of a helicopter ride over a big rock.

The only logical explanation for why they would choose Alice Springs of all places down under is that the city paid ABC a ton of money to film there. I might not be their key demographic but I’m sure a ton of people watching The Bachelor last night thought Uluru looked like a great place for a vacation. I mean who wouldn’t want to climb that thing? More power to ‘em.

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“The Bachelor” Recap: Pete Messes Up— For the Last Time.

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The episode starts with Madison basically giving Pete an ultimatum. She exclaims that if Pete has sex with either Victoria F or Hannah Ann, Madison can no longer go on with their relationship. Guess what happens next!

Hannah Ann gets the first date/night, and Victoria gets the second date/night, leaving Madison all the time in the world to sweat over whether Pete is sleeping with these girls or not. Finally, during Madison’s date, she gets him to admit that he’s been intimate SHOCKER. He doesn’t make it clear as to which girl/girls but definitely Victoria F, that’s the only reason that psycho is still around. This news sparks a crying competition between Pete and Madison, where Madison eventually ends up leaving the date.

The way I see it there are 2 ways to look at this ultimatum:

1: The “She should know what she’s getting into.” take.

This take holds water. Everyone knows what goes on during fantasy suites, if you don’t like it, don’t come on the show. These women have to understand that this is nothing like the real world, and that this is a dumb show where the guy gets to date multiple women at the same time, no hard feelings, right?

2: The “Logical, True Love” take.

Here’s where I get fired up. This is the stuff that grinds my gears. Do I understand this is a show and that it’s all bs anyway? Yes. BUT IF THE GIRL YOU LOVE TELLS YOU NOT TO HAVE SEX FOR 2 NIGHTS, THEN GUESS WHAT??? YOU DONT HAVE SEX FOR 2 NIGHTS!!! Its that plain and fucking simple. Madison explained that she doesn’t want her fiancé having sex with other women 5-6 days before he gets down on 1 knee. AND THAT MAKES SO MUCH GODDAMN SENSE.

If it were true love, Pete would have said “no problem, you got it.” She literally explains that “this is what she expects out of a husband”!!! The fact that he can’t go 2 nights without sex is laugh out loud funny. Like imagine all the women Pilot Pete has been with, do you think he really needed 2 more notches in his belt? NO! This is just absurd to argue any other way. Madison should have gotten up and left as soon as she saw he didn’t like the idea. What a goddamn joke.

People are flipping out over this take too. Like yes, I think she knew what she was getting into. But it’s not like this ultimatum was given early in the show?? Like it’s crunch time and the guy she fell in love with, who should feel the same way, and said he feels the same way, shouldn’t feel the need to fuck other girls at this point. Don’t give me that “I’m in love with 3 women” shit, Peter you fucking idiot. Its been Madison the whole time, and I really hope she doesn’t come back because you’re an idiot.

Also! If you think he doesn’t know who he is picking yet, you’re out of your mind. So the fact that he chose sex over Madison is absolutely mind boggling. I hope she sees that and is smart enough to tell Peter to fuck right off.

The episode ends with Madison walking out of their date, and I really hope she doesn’t come back. The coming attractions show the 2 girls asking where Madison is, Peter hyperventilating that he made the wrong choice (shocker!), and his mom crying telling him to “go get her”.

At this point, after all the fuck-ups and garbage decision making, Peter is 100% still single today. Guy is an absolute joke.

Pecks

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Substance Abuse and Lies – All in Week 5 of ‘The Bachelor’

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First, I want to address the biggest drama that came at the tail-end of this three-hour gem. I think we can all agree at this point that Tammy is the most sneaky and conniving contestant on this season of The Bachelor…and Petey Boy still gave her a rose! I’ve never been able to wrap my head around when these girls use their precious one-on-one time with him to talk about other girls. Because of the way the show is edited, it’s easy to forget how little time these girls are actually spending alone with him. The girls that don’t get one-on-one dates are seeing him once every 2-4 days (especially if they’re traveling), and get to spend maybe 10-15 minutes tops with him before the classic “can I steal you for a sec?”; then their alone time with him is up for the next couple days.

For Tammy and all the girls that love to gossip to the bachelor about the other girls, it’s clear they aren’t there for the right reasons. Do you understand that these girls literally have no forms of entertainment? No TV, no phones, so yeah, I’d probably get drunk a lot too. Obviously, Kelsey coupled her alcohol with an impressive amount of crying, but to tell Peter she has a drinking problem?? I mean, it’s hilarious for the viewers, but sooo not cool or fair to Kelsey. And I’ll be the first to admit that I’m not a fan of Kelsey; she’s way too emotional for this experience – if you told me she’d still be here after champagnegate I would’ve thought you were yanking my chain. Regardless, it’s clear that Tammy crossed a line, so I’m on Kelsey’s side here.

I also think it’s crazy that Victoria P. snaked her way out of another confrontation. After last week when she just started crying as a defense when Peter confronted her about the whole Alayah situation, I can’t believe she found her way out of this one. Apparently, she was the one who told Tammy she thought Kelsey was popping pills (it was birth control and Adderall), but because everyone was so mad at Tammy, Victoria P. basically escaped unscathed once again. I hope Pete catches on to her eventually, because she is 100% a snake. Can’t trust those pageant girls, man.

We also had two one-on-one dates this episode. The first was with Sydney, who has definitely caught Peter’s eye of late. Really nothing wild came out of this date except for Pete claiming Sydney is the best kisser on the show, and that she had no friends in high school and had to eat lunch in the bathroom her whole senior year. And as I am writing this blog, this I come across this:

So now I don’t know what to think about her. But obviously she’s a liar, which sucks because Peter actually likes her, and she’s made a great impression up to this point. I didn’t really see her winning this thing, but I was definitely rooting for her to make it far. Now I just hope she gets kicked off ASAP. It’s crazy to me that she thought she could say that and think no one would find her yearbook and prove her wrong.  This is just a reminder that you need to have a squeaky-clean record to be on any show nowadays, and the internet can dig up just about everything about you.

The second one-on-one was with Kelley. The attorney from Chicago. Seemingly, the most normal girl on the show. On paper she should’ve been my front-runner from the beginning. But, I’ve gotta admit that that shit she pulled in the obstacle course back in episode one rubbed me the wrong way. Can you trust a girl that doesn’t respect the set boundaries of a game? You could say “well, she did what she had to do to win and go on a solo date with Peter”. And I can respect that argument. But where does it stop? I’m sure when the Astros started cheating it was a simple arrangement. But it developed into a complex system with a live video feed, trash cans and buzzers (allegedly) to help them steal a World Series championship away from the Dodgers. I’m just saying…it’s the little things you’ve gotta pay attention to. HOWEVER, Kelley really impressed and surprised me this episode. Her normalness really came through in the dinner portion of the date because she addressed all her reservations about this experience and was completely transparent with Peter about them. While Kelley might not have been at the top of Peter’s list before, because she said she is going to be more open with him from here on, I think she is on her way up.

And I want to personally congratulate Pete for finally getting rid of Alayah. We all knew her second stint on the show would be short lived, but he should be thankful he got rid of her when he did. I think several girls might’ve left the show if he continued to allow her to stay on. Either that or they would’ve put rat traps on the floor next to Alayah’s bed. It was a terrible situation for the both of them TBH, and Pete definitely made the right call. Like I said…you can’t trust those pageant girls, man. I think her and Luke P. from the last season of The Bachelorette should grab a cup of coffee.

Stay tuned for a special Wednesday’s episode! Hopefully his cut heals a little bit more by then.

Power Rankings (of who I think will win) Through Week 5 (Monday):

  1. Madison
  2. Kelley
  3. Victoria F.
  4. Hannah Ann
  5. Victoria P.
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