Before we get to the recap, I’d like to take a moment of silence for my man Sheridan.

Thank you.

Like many men before him, Sheridan fell for a woman who did not reciprocate the feelings he had for her. To the audience, it was pretty clear from the beginning that Julia (Sheridan’s unrequited love) was more into Brandon. It just so happened that Brandon was more interested in Savannah, which created quite the love t̶r̶i̶a̶n̶g̶l̶e̶ square. As much as I fault Julia for stringing Sheridan along even though it was obvious they didn’t share a romantic connection, the real culprit of last night’s drama is the producers.

The entire flow of the house was flipped upside down when the producers split up three couples and made them go on dates with other people. They really just wanted Julia and Brandon to go out, but they couldn’t make it too obvious, so they made Rudi and Chris and Jamie and Ryan go on dates too. Their plan worked. Brandon and Julia’s date broke up their relationships with Sheridan and Savannah, and it appeared as though neither of them has ever broken up with someone before. However, while it was clear Julia was never really interested in Sheridan, Brandon was going to do and say anything under the sun to stay on this show…even if it meant coupling up with his second choice.

Brandon, the 34-year-old folk-pop singer from Nashville, is the definition of a fuckboy. I’d say most men go through a fuckboy phase of their lives, which I’ll attribute to immaturity and raging hormones…but most men grow out of this stage in life by their mid-twenties. Some may even take their fuckboy tendencies with them into their late twenties (30 is pushing it), but these men were more than likely late bloomers, so they’re making up for lost time. But then there are the rare instances, in Brandon’s case for example, where the guy continues to act like a 19-year-old frat boy into his mid-30’s (or later). I realize that this is The Bachelor universe we’re talking about here, so fuckboys come with the territory, but most are in their twenties! By the time a guy is 34, he should pretty much know what he wants and be done playing games. Unfortunately for Savannah, Julia, and Sheridan, Brandon is still trying to figure out his life, and they were all expelled from the show because of it.

The sad reality of LTYH is that unlike the traditional Bachelor and Bachelorette shows, they’re messing with people’s careers. These aspiring musicians have been slaving away in the industry for years waiting for their opportunity to break out, and by getting cast in this show, it’s a real opportunity for people in the music industry to take notice. However, they’re forced to make a romantic connection at the same time, or risk getting booted off the show. Aside from Chris and Bri, I’m not convinced any of the remaining couples share a real connection. Rather, they’re faking it to stay on the show longer and receive more notoriety…which I don’t blame them for AT ALL.

Matt and Rudi seem to share a genuine connection, but based on the preview of next week’s episode, I don’t think they’ll last. My prediction is that Rudi’s jealous side comes out and Matt can’t handle it.

Trevor and Jamie not having a serious connection is a hot take from me. I think that on the surface, everything seems fine, but Trevor is slowly starting to realize that Jamie is a child, and he’s going to have to babysit her through every performance. I’m referring to the fact that she dreads going on stage and then cries after the performance because she doesn’t think she sang well because of her nerves. On the other hand, Trevor is a 29-year-old guy who’s comfortable with his ability and shouldn’t have to console his girlfriend before and after every time she takes the stage.

“Fuck this” – Trevor, probably.

Our last and fakest couple remaining is Ryan and Natascha. While Ryan’s feelings seem pretty genuine, Natascha is faker than Kylie Jenner’s face. I will 100% guarantee that Natascha breaks up with Ryan the minute she signs with a record label after this season. I hate to say it, but she’s got a great voice. She’s been complimented after both of their performances by actual music critics/producers, not just a former Bachelorette. Her career is probably going to take off after this, and I hate that arguably the worst person (it’s a toss-up between her and Brandon) on this show could have the best career. My disdain for Natascha began the minute she came on the show and confronted Trevor about cheating on his ex-girlfriend. She clearly knew nothing about the situation and only wanted to start drama, which is great for the show but makes her a shitty person. I’m still not even convinced she knows Trevor’d ex. From that moment on, Natascha has been public enemy numero uno in my mind. She had been relatively quiet, drama-wise, until last night when she told Julia (five minutes before her performance) that Brandon the Fuckboy said he would’ve chosen Savannah, had she wanted to stay. What world is Natascha from where she thinks that that could be interpreted as anything other than sabotage? And as we know, Julia and Brandon got voted off the show because they gave a bad performance…Natascha’s plan worked.

Even though she has the voice of an angel, Natascha is (as Elvis Presley put it) the devil in disguise. I just hope Ryan and the judges realize it before she wins this damn show. However, it’s going to be tough to match what Chris and Bri are putting out there. In all the seasons of the Bachelor I’ve watched, I’ve never seen two people so genuinely in love. They’re going to be a tough couple to beat, especially if they really do get married next week.