Adam Sandler Archives

Adam Sandler has made some of the most popular movies of the last 25 years and is as “A-list” as a celebrity can get. His movies usually have slightly unbelievable plotlines, which is probably what makes them so popular. I mean, who wouldn’t want to see a movie about a failed hockey player who becomes one of the best professional golfers, or a 30-something-year-old mentally challenged waterboy who realizes his football potential and becomes the best defensive player in the country? However, I think that because Sandler’s movies are already ridiculous to begin with, it makes it easier to believe that even as a remarkably average-looking (dare I say “goofy”) man, he somehow always has an insanely hot wife/significant other. For the sake of this article, I will also include women who Sandler’s character had sexual relations with or but based on the ending, implied that they live happily ever after.

5. Kate Beckinsale, Click (2006)

4. Emmanuelle Chriqui,You Don’t Mess with the Zohan (2008)

3. Salma Hayek, Grown Ups (2010)

2. Jessica Biel, I Now Pronounce You Chuck & Larry (2007)

Now if I was ranking Sandler’s love interests by their hottest individual scenes in his movies, Biel would’ve won hands-down. This might even be the best scene in cinematic history. However, credit to me for putting biases aside and not letting the screenplay influence the rankings.

1. Brooklyn Decker, Just Go With It (2011)

It literally does not get better than this. And even though they did not end up together in the end, they were pretty much engaged for 95% of the movie.

Honorable Mentions:

Bridgette Wilson-Sampras, Billy Madison (1995)

Goddammit Billy, the Spanish Armada was in 1588! I’ll never forgive him for getting this wrong.

Jennifer Aniston, Just Go With It (2011)

Adam Sandler really went 2/2 in this movie, sheesh.

I would LOVE to know what Jackie Sandler, Adam’s wife in real life, thinks about all the hot women he’s been able to make out with over the years in movies. Unless Sandler played a millionaire in every movie, it’s highly unlikely that he’d land any of these women in real life. I’d say the most believable of his movie wives is Salma Hayek in Grown Ups because they met when they were young, presumably when Sandler was in much better shape…plus he had game. What Sandler’s roles have done above all else is provide some hope to all the average-looking guys out there with astronomical standards. Never settle, kings. Never settle.

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Uncut Gems was the most fun I’ve had in a movie theater in quite some time. I left the theater feeling like I had just done a kilo of blow and followed it up by shotgunning a Bang energy drink. It’s an anxiety-inducing rollercoaster from start to finish, but there’s no doubt it was among the best movies of 2019.

Love him or hate him, Adam Sandler kills the role of Howard Ratner. The “Sandman” has no doubt made a career off of traditionally bad movies that somehow still go on to make hundreds of millions of dollars in some cases. Even his worst movie to date: Jack and Jill, went on to make $150 million in the box office, so it’s really tough to make a case against anything this guy does. And although he’s most known for his comedy roles in movies like Billy Madison, Happy Gilmore, Grown Ups, etc…he has dipped his toe in the drama arena several times with movies like Spanglish, Punch-Drunk Love, and Funny People to name just a few.

I happen to think Sandler is great in serious roles, and the fact that he was able to make Punch-Drunk Love in between The Animal and Mr. Deeds shows his phenomenal range as an actor.

What I’m trying to say is that you shouldn’t let Sandler’s previous comedic roles influence you into thinking he won’t be good in this movie. Trust me, if I was able to get Little Nicky out of my head, so can you. And if you have no concerns with Sandler in a serious role, then just disregard everything I just said.

The supporting cast in Uncut Gems is outstanding as well. Lakeith Stanfield, Julia Fox, Idina Menzel, and Kevin Garnett round out the most significant figures of the supporting cast, and the biggest surprise is no doubt Garnett. KG has only one other acting credit in his career, so I was hesitant about how good he would be in this role. I also didn’t expect him to be such a central character in the film, but he actually played a remarkable role throughout.

The Plot

Set in New York’s Diamond District, Adam Sandler plays the wealthy, degenerate gambling jeweler, Howard Ratner, who is approached by Kevin Garnett (playing himself) to purchase a new diamond encrusted piece for his collection. Garnett shows up on the same day that Ratner receives his newest prized possession, the opal, from Ethiopia, which is set to go to auction later in the week. He believes it should go for over a million dollars, as it is made up of several gems that allegedly predate the dinosaurs. When Ratner reluctantly agrees to let KG keep the opal overnight because he thinks it will bring him good fortune in the Eastern Conference Finals, it sets off a chain of events that lead Ratner down a rabbit hole of questionable decisions.

We see that questionable decisions are nothing new for Howard Ratner, as he is in a failing marriage due to an affair with his employee/mistress Julia (Julia Fox). His wife Dinah (Idina Menzel) knows that he is full of shit 24/7, as does his married-into-the-family cousin Arno (Eric Bogosian), who is one of the many people Howard owes money to.

The Safdie Brothers make it so that the audience is unable to breathe for the entire 135 minutes that this movie spans. As the foul-mouthed Howard Ratner continues to dig himself deeper and deeper into a hole, he is forced to make a ridiculous gamble that not only has extreme monetary implications, but threatens his life.

Sandler delivers one of the best performances of his career, and quiets the haters that can’t see him in serious roles. It’s unbelievable that he wasn’t nominated for an Academy Award; definitely snub of the year. The only gripe I had with this film is that at times it just felt a bit too much. About halfway through the movie you’ll be begging for a Xanax or something to calm yourself down from the stressful nature of Uncut Gems. There are several scenes in which no less than ten people are all screaming at once, and it is a bit overwhelming. However, if you’re able to get through this movie with or without any sort of doctor-prescribed medication, the adrenaline rush this movie gives with have you ready to run through a brick wall.

Overall Score: 9.1