The first installment of the finale of Peter’s season of The Bachelor aired last night, and yikes was that an uncomfortable two hours. As with most of the season, Hannah Ann didn’t do anything especially memorable other than capturing the hearts and minds of Peter’s family. Hannah Ann is to the Bachelor what Oklahoma is to college football. She’ll be a strong title contender all season, even show flashes of being the favorite, but will eventually lose to someone from Alabama. On paper, she should be everything Peter wants. Their relationship hasn’t had any hiccups thus far, she’s polite, beautiful, and would probably make a great life partner. I could listen to her say “oh my word” forever.

But, as has been evident all season, Peter wants a challenge. And if Victoria F. wasn’t enough of a nightmare, Peter now wants a woman who is the complete opposite of him – but she’s hot. At least Victoria F. liked to party and is open to premarital sex (allegedly) like Peter. On the other hand, Madison is saving herself for marriage and doesn’t even drink alcohol. Now, that’s not the end of the world, but for a guy like Peter who is famous for having sex four times in a windmill and is the type of guy (according to his younger brother) who comes home from trips and likes to go clubbing.Not ideal for a girl who probably goes to sleep by 9 pm on a Saturday night to rest up for church on Sunday.

And we finally found out who Peter’s mom was hysterically pleading with Peter to BRING HOOOMMMMEEEE.

It was regarding Hannah Ann, which was a surprise to me BEFORE I saw how well she interacted with his family last night. Madison had already met them in person and she’s Peter’s clear #1 – I thought for sure that’s who Peter’s mom was referring to. But nope, as far as first impressions go, it’s tough to win over the hearts of your potential future in-laws when you immediately start talking about the ultimatum you gave their son (Madison claims it wasn’t an ultimatum but it really was). Then on their date a couple days later, Madison realizes it’s never going to work between the two of them and ends things with Peter.

However, I think there was a collective cheer around the country when Madison stood up for herself against Peter’s mom, who is officially the WORST. Do I agree with Madison’s ultimatum? No. But Peter’s mom is in no position to lecture Madison on the choices she’s made for herself or her relationship with Peter. Let her and Peter figure that one out on their own. It was also super unfair of her to cry and beg Peter to choose Hannah Ann when she could clearly see that his heart was with Madison. Like, doesn’t she already see how hard this is for him? Now he’s gotta worry about keeping his mom from being hysterical over him choosing another woman?? Why can’t they just support their son’s decision like every other Bachelor’s family? They just went about everything the wrong way, and while their overbearing parents shtick was cute in the beginning, after last night I am not a fan of the Weber’s.

I’m predicting that in tonight’s episode we’ll see Peter end things with Hannah Ann and he’ll go after Madison (since we saw in the preview that Madison regrets her decision). The only thing throwing me for a loop is that according to Chris Harrison “even Peter doesn’t know how it will end”. Have Peter and Madison just been dating since the show ended and he’ll propose tonight? That’s the most logical scenario, but since nothing with Peter this season has been logical, all bets are off.

Why Alice Springs?

Sydney, Melbourne, Perth, Brisbane, Cairns, I could go on and on. How in the hell did Bachelor producers land on Alice Springs, Australia of all places as the location for the finale/proposal? I’m pretty sure this website doesn’t have a largeAustralian following, so I’ll be completely honest…Alice Springs could be the worst city The Bachelor has ever gone to, and they’ve been to Cleveland! It’s about as exciting of a location as Victorville, CA. I thought maybe there was more to Alice Springs than we were shown, but then I watched this tourism video about the city and my assumptions were confirmed – total shithole, which actually makes it more like Blythe than Victorville; it’s never a good sign when the first half of a tourism video is spent talking about an old post office. However, I will give credit where credit is due. Uluru is a badass rock. 10/10 would climb if given an all expenses paid trip to Northern Territory.

But, a cool rock in the middle of an otherwise desolate region doesn’t excuse Bachelor producers for this decision. Imagine being Hannah Ann or Madison and thinking you’re on your way to the Great Barrier Reef or Sydney but all you get is a dusty picnic in the desert with flies circling you the whole time?

When you’re trying to have a serious breakup moment on the #Bachelor #finale but you can’t ignore the flies coming from the fresh nearby dingo carcass. #bachelornation #bachelorabc pic.twitter.com/ecryBrBWeq

— Doug D (@dipied) March 10, 2020

I guarantee Madison doesn’t break up with Peter if they go snorkeling instead of a helicopter ride over a big rock.

The only logical explanation for why they would choose Alice Springs of all places down under is that the city paid ABC a ton of money to film there. I might not be their key demographic but I’m sure a ton of people watching The Bachelor last night thought Uluru looked like a great place for a vacation. I mean who wouldn’t want to climb that thing? More power to ‘em.