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‘The Bachelor’ Finale Pt. 1 Recap + Alice Springs, Australia Is the Most Disappointing Proposal Location Ever

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The first installment of the finale of Peter’s season of The Bachelor aired last night, and yikes was that an uncomfortable two hours. As with most of the season, Hannah Ann didn’t do anything especially memorable other than capturing the hearts and minds of Peter’s family. Hannah Ann is to the Bachelor what Oklahoma is to college football. She’ll be a strong title contender all season, even show flashes of being the favorite, but will eventually lose to someone from Alabama. On paper, she should be everything Peter wants. Their relationship hasn’t had any hiccups thus far, she’s polite, beautiful, and would probably make a great life partner. I could listen to her say “oh my word” forever.

But, as has been evident all season, Peter wants a challenge. And if Victoria F. wasn’t enough of a nightmare, Peter now wants a woman who is the complete opposite of him – but she’s hot. At least Victoria F. liked to party and is open to premarital sex (allegedly) like Peter. On the other hand, Madison is saving herself for marriage and doesn’t even drink alcohol. Now, that’s not the end of the world, but for a guy like Peter who is famous for having sex four times in a windmill and is the type of guy (according to his younger brother) who comes home from trips and likes to go clubbing.Not ideal for a girl who probably goes to sleep by 9 pm on a Saturday night to rest up for church on Sunday.

And we finally found out who Peter’s mom was hysterically pleading with Peter to BRING HOOOMMMMEEEE.

It was regarding Hannah Ann, which was a surprise to me BEFORE I saw how well she interacted with his family last night. Madison had already met them in person and she’s Peter’s clear #1 – I thought for sure that’s who Peter’s mom was referring to. But nope, as far as first impressions go, it’s tough to win over the hearts of your potential future in-laws when you immediately start talking about the ultimatum you gave their son (Madison claims it wasn’t an ultimatum but it really was). Then on their date a couple days later, Madison realizes it’s never going to work between the two of them and ends things with Peter.

However, I think there was a collective cheer around the country when Madison stood up for herself against Peter’s mom, who is officially the WORST. Do I agree with Madison’s ultimatum? No. But Peter’s mom is in no position to lecture Madison on the choices she’s made for herself or her relationship with Peter. Let her and Peter figure that one out on their own. It was also super unfair of her to cry and beg Peter to choose Hannah Ann when she could clearly see that his heart was with Madison. Like, doesn’t she already see how hard this is for him? Now he’s gotta worry about keeping his mom from being hysterical over him choosing another woman?? Why can’t they just support their son’s decision like every other Bachelor’s family? They just went about everything the wrong way, and while their overbearing parents shtick was cute in the beginning, after last night I am not a fan of the Weber’s.

I’m predicting that in tonight’s episode we’ll see Peter end things with Hannah Ann and he’ll go after Madison (since we saw in the preview that Madison regrets her decision). The only thing throwing me for a loop is that according to Chris Harrison “even Peter doesn’t know how it will end”. Have Peter and Madison just been dating since the show ended and he’ll propose tonight? That’s the most logical scenario, but since nothing with Peter this season has been logical, all bets are off.

Why Alice Springs?

Sydney, Melbourne, Perth, Brisbane, Cairns, I could go on and on. How in the hell did Bachelor producers land on Alice Springs, Australia of all places as the location for the finale/proposal? I’m pretty sure this website doesn’t have a largeAustralian following, so I’ll be completely honest…Alice Springs could be the worst city The Bachelor has ever gone to, and they’ve been to Cleveland! It’s about as exciting of a location as Victorville, CA. I thought maybe there was more to Alice Springs than we were shown, but then I watched this tourism video about the city and my assumptions were confirmed – total shithole, which actually makes it more like Blythe than Victorville; it’s never a good sign when the first half of a tourism video is spent talking about an old post office. However, I will give credit where credit is due. Uluru is a badass rock. 10/10 would climb if given an all expenses paid trip to Northern Territory.

Australia, Northern Territory, National Park Uluru-Kata Tjuta listed as World Heritage by UNESCO, Ayers Rock or Uluru, sandstone rock sacred place for the Aboriginal people

But, a cool rock in the middle of an otherwise desolate region doesn’t excuse Bachelor producers for this decision. Imagine being Hannah Ann or Madison and thinking you’re on your way to the Great Barrier Reef or Sydney but all you get is a dusty picnic in the desert with flies circling you the whole time?

I guarantee Madison doesn’t break up with Peter if they go snorkeling instead of a helicopter ride over a big rock.

The only logical explanation for why they would choose Alice Springs of all places down under is that the city paid ABC a ton of money to film there. I might not be their key demographic but I’m sure a ton of people watching The Bachelor last night thought Uluru looked like a great place for a vacation. I mean who wouldn’t want to climb that thing? More power to ‘em.

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“The Bachelor” Recap: Pete Messes Up— For the Last Time.

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The episode starts with Madison basically giving Pete an ultimatum. She exclaims that if Pete has sex with either Victoria F or Hannah Ann, Madison can no longer go on with their relationship. Guess what happens next!

Hannah Ann gets the first date/night, and Victoria gets the second date/night, leaving Madison all the time in the world to sweat over whether Pete is sleeping with these girls or not. Finally, during Madison’s date, she gets him to admit that he’s been intimate SHOCKER. He doesn’t make it clear as to which girl/girls but definitely Victoria F, that’s the only reason that psycho is still around. This news sparks a crying competition between Pete and Madison, where Madison eventually ends up leaving the date.

The way I see it there are 2 ways to look at this ultimatum:

1: The “She should know what she’s getting into.” take.

This take holds water. Everyone knows what goes on during fantasy suites, if you don’t like it, don’t come on the show. These women have to understand that this is nothing like the real world, and that this is a dumb show where the guy gets to date multiple women at the same time, no hard feelings, right?

2: The “Logical, True Love” take.

Here’s where I get fired up. This is the stuff that grinds my gears. Do I understand this is a show and that it’s all bs anyway? Yes. BUT IF THE GIRL YOU LOVE TELLS YOU NOT TO HAVE SEX FOR 2 NIGHTS, THEN GUESS WHAT??? YOU DONT HAVE SEX FOR 2 NIGHTS!!! Its that plain and fucking simple. Madison explained that she doesn’t want her fiancé having sex with other women 5-6 days before he gets down on 1 knee. AND THAT MAKES SO MUCH GODDAMN SENSE.

If it were true love, Pete would have said “no problem, you got it.” She literally explains that “this is what she expects out of a husband”!!! The fact that he can’t go 2 nights without sex is laugh out loud funny. Like imagine all the women Pilot Pete has been with, do you think he really needed 2 more notches in his belt? NO! This is just absurd to argue any other way. Madison should have gotten up and left as soon as she saw he didn’t like the idea. What a goddamn joke.

People are flipping out over this take too. Like yes, I think she knew what she was getting into. But it’s not like this ultimatum was given early in the show?? Like it’s crunch time and the guy she fell in love with, who should feel the same way, and said he feels the same way, shouldn’t feel the need to fuck other girls at this point. Don’t give me that “I’m in love with 3 women” shit, Peter you fucking idiot. Its been Madison the whole time, and I really hope she doesn’t come back because you’re an idiot.

Also! If you think he doesn’t know who he is picking yet, you’re out of your mind. So the fact that he chose sex over Madison is absolutely mind boggling. I hope she sees that and is smart enough to tell Peter to fuck right off.

The episode ends with Madison walking out of their date, and I really hope she doesn’t come back. The coming attractions show the 2 girls asking where Madison is, Peter hyperventilating that he made the wrong choice (shocker!), and his mom crying telling him to “go get her”.

At this point, after all the fuck-ups and garbage decision making, Peter is 100% still single today. Guy is an absolute joke.

Pecks

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The Bachelor: Final Four Predictions

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This is it baby, the final four. One of the most drama filled bachelor seasons is finally coming to an end, and good thing too because I started genuinely feeling bad for Peter, and I know that sounds crazy.

LIkE wHY wOUlD yOu fEEl bAD For a GuY wHo GEts to DaTe 30 giRlS aT onCE?? (That took way to long to type btw). But I feel bad because these girls SUCK. In a day and age where the world revolves around social media more than ever, these chicks just want their screen time and to grow their personal brand as much as possible. Most of them go out of the way to be catty, cause drama, and make a name for themselves. Usually on the Bachelor, there’s a few of those characters, but this season was absurd!

It seemed like every time Peter would get close to someone, he would end up looking like this. That’s because:

  • They wouldn’t reciprocate the same feelings. (Kelley)
  • They’d lie about another girl. (Victoria P)
  • Another girl would burn them. (Alayah)
  • The producers would play games. (Victoria F concert incident, Hannah B, Kelsey champagne incident)
  • They’d lie about themselves. (Sydney allegedly)
  • Cause general drama (Mykenna, Tammy)

So yeah, nothing has been easy for this guy at all, and he does seem genuine. Definitely one of the softer more in-touch-with-his-emotions type, not a douche or a big player (yeah he makes out but you get what I mean). So I do sympathize with him because it seems like he actually is looking for love.

Anyway, enough nonsense, here are my rankings and predictions moving forward.

4: Kelsey

I put Kelsey in the 4 hole because in my eyes, she never recovered from the champagne incident. She seems like she’s a bit crazy, definitely has those crazy eyes. Idk, I’ve been waiting for her to get the boot for weeks, I’m honestly surprised she’s been here this long. She does seem obsessed with Peter which I appreciate, however, her attitude towards the other girls and her being on the brink of tears 90% of the time is a real bummer for me. Not a Kelsey stan, she isn’t the one, if you think she is, you haven’t been paying attention.

These scores are in relativity to the remaining girls.

*not all intangibles are intangible*

  • Personality: 4/10
  • Love for Peter: 9/10
  • Looks: 6/10
  • Psycho: Yes
  • Intangibles: cares about her alcohol, Adderall plug, & on the pill.

3: Victoria F.

I am/was a BIG Victoria fan, and have been since day 1. There have been some reports that she’s not the greatest person, including some home-wrecking claims. But hey, people make mistakes and she’s seemed nice on the show so what I don’t know for sure, won’t hurt me. The crying every episode was annoying but IMO she was one of the better looking girls, and didn’t cause too much drama (until late).

Victoria was one of my favorites to win for a while, but after seeing some coming attractions, she has me feeling differently. It’s been very clear that while Peter is deep under her spell, she is very manipulative and just flat out has an attitude. Like the second one on one was just flat out annoying on her part. Makes you start to think about those allegations… Anyway, Victoria’s downfall will be her tears, lack of opening up to Peter, and potentially, her shady past. I’d be shocked if she wins.

  • Personality: 5/10
  • Love for Peter: 5/10
  • Looks: 9/10
  • Psycho: 100%
  • Intangibles: some cool celebrities in her contact list. (If you know what I mean)

2: Hannah Ann

Hannah Ann while taking the world by storm with her beauty, has low key flown under the radar since the start. That is a VERY good thing. Hannah has been low maintenance, low drama, all show and seems somewhat regular. To me she feels like she came on the show for the wrong reasons and now that she’s here actually might have feelings for Peter/ maybe she can’t bring herself to be super dramatic like the other girls?? I’m not sure, but I’m not totally sold on her like giving a shit ya know?

She’s debatably the prettiest girl on the show, and definitely think she’ll make an appearance on the Bachelorette if she’s not selected. I would not be surprised at all if she wins however, I just don’t have a gut feeling about her.

  • Personality: 7/10
  • Love for Peter: 6/10
  • Looks: 10/10 (if my gfs reading this its in relativity to the other girls, relax)
  • Psycho: maybe, don’t think so.
  • Intangibles: super photogenic for all the “check my wife out” moments. Her name would make it easy for Peter to date Hannah B simultaneously.

1: Madison

From the first episode, till right now, Madison has been the front runner. She’s kind, has spunk, is soft on the eyes, and doesn’t seem nuts. Peter and her have great chemistry, and she seems just as into him as he is of her.

Has she not had any serious relationships? No. Is she a bit young? Yes. Has she ever had sex? Apparently not. (I think that’s a pro right?) But so what, these two look good together, get along well, and she seems pretty low maintenance compared to the rest of the crew. I think If Peter decides to propose to any of these girls, it will be Madison.

  • Personality: 9/10
  • Love for Peter: 9/10
  • Looks: 9/10
  • Psycho: Nah
  • Intangibles: full access to Auburn’s athletic facilities, definitely someone you can shoot hoops with, guaranteed DI children.

This is very obviously a two pony race. I don’t think Kelsey or Victoria stand a chance. Also, thanks to the coming attractions, I don’t think Peter will end up proposing to any of them. And if THAT is the case… I will have some strong words for production, but we will cross that bridge when we get to it.

Pecks

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Substance Abuse and Lies – All in Week 5 of ‘The Bachelor’

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First, I want to address the biggest drama that came at the tail-end of this three-hour gem. I think we can all agree at this point that Tammy is the most sneaky and conniving contestant on this season of The Bachelor…and Petey Boy still gave her a rose! I’ve never been able to wrap my head around when these girls use their precious one-on-one time with him to talk about other girls. Because of the way the show is edited, it’s easy to forget how little time these girls are actually spending alone with him. The girls that don’t get one-on-one dates are seeing him once every 2-4 days (especially if they’re traveling), and get to spend maybe 10-15 minutes tops with him before the classic “can I steal you for a sec?”; then their alone time with him is up for the next couple days.

For Tammy and all the girls that love to gossip to the bachelor about the other girls, it’s clear they aren’t there for the right reasons. Do you understand that these girls literally have no forms of entertainment? No TV, no phones, so yeah, I’d probably get drunk a lot too. Obviously, Kelsey coupled her alcohol with an impressive amount of crying, but to tell Peter she has a drinking problem?? I mean, it’s hilarious for the viewers, but sooo not cool or fair to Kelsey. And I’ll be the first to admit that I’m not a fan of Kelsey; she’s way too emotional for this experience – if you told me she’d still be here after champagnegate I would’ve thought you were yanking my chain. Regardless, it’s clear that Tammy crossed a line, so I’m on Kelsey’s side here.

I also think it’s crazy that Victoria P. snaked her way out of another confrontation. After last week when she just started crying as a defense when Peter confronted her about the whole Alayah situation, I can’t believe she found her way out of this one. Apparently, she was the one who told Tammy she thought Kelsey was popping pills (it was birth control and Adderall), but because everyone was so mad at Tammy, Victoria P. basically escaped unscathed once again. I hope Pete catches on to her eventually, because she is 100% a snake. Can’t trust those pageant girls, man.

We also had two one-on-one dates this episode. The first was with Sydney, who has definitely caught Peter’s eye of late. Really nothing wild came out of this date except for Pete claiming Sydney is the best kisser on the show, and that she had no friends in high school and had to eat lunch in the bathroom her whole senior year. And as I am writing this blog, this I come across this:

So now I don’t know what to think about her. But obviously she’s a liar, which sucks because Peter actually likes her, and she’s made a great impression up to this point. I didn’t really see her winning this thing, but I was definitely rooting for her to make it far. Now I just hope she gets kicked off ASAP. It’s crazy to me that she thought she could say that and think no one would find her yearbook and prove her wrong.  This is just a reminder that you need to have a squeaky-clean record to be on any show nowadays, and the internet can dig up just about everything about you.

The second one-on-one was with Kelley. The attorney from Chicago. Seemingly, the most normal girl on the show. On paper she should’ve been my front-runner from the beginning. But, I’ve gotta admit that that shit she pulled in the obstacle course back in episode one rubbed me the wrong way. Can you trust a girl that doesn’t respect the set boundaries of a game? You could say “well, she did what she had to do to win and go on a solo date with Peter”. And I can respect that argument. But where does it stop? I’m sure when the Astros started cheating it was a simple arrangement. But it developed into a complex system with a live video feed, trash cans and buzzers (allegedly) to help them steal a World Series championship away from the Dodgers. I’m just saying…it’s the little things you’ve gotta pay attention to. HOWEVER, Kelley really impressed and surprised me this episode. Her normalness really came through in the dinner portion of the date because she addressed all her reservations about this experience and was completely transparent with Peter about them. While Kelley might not have been at the top of Peter’s list before, because she said she is going to be more open with him from here on, I think she is on her way up.

And I want to personally congratulate Pete for finally getting rid of Alayah. We all knew her second stint on the show would be short lived, but he should be thankful he got rid of her when he did. I think several girls might’ve left the show if he continued to allow her to stay on. Either that or they would’ve put rat traps on the floor next to Alayah’s bed. It was a terrible situation for the both of them TBH, and Pete definitely made the right call. Like I said…you can’t trust those pageant girls, man. I think her and Luke P. from the last season of The Bachelorette should grab a cup of coffee.

Stay tuned for a special Wednesday’s episode! Hopefully his cut heals a little bit more by then.

Power Rankings (of who I think will win) Through Week 5 (Monday):

  1. Madison
  2. Kelley
  3. Victoria F.
  4. Hannah Ann
  5. Victoria P.
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‘The Bachelor’ Producers had it out for Sarah C.

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This is my first season watching ‘The Bachelor’, and it’s safe to say that I have been hooked since the 1st episode. The drama is awesome, the competitiveness is unparalleled, and Pete is not a douche like I had imagined a bachelor would be. It is very clear that the producers have a large say in the direction of the show, and I understand that without them, it probably would not be half as good. HOWEVER, Sarah C. was on the show for 3 episodes and did not say 1 word!! She maybe got 1 minute of combined screen time!

Ever since the first episode I’ve been confused why some girls have hung around and others have gotten the boot. My theory is, there are 3-5 girls that Pete can actually see himself with. These 3-5 girls will make it all the way to the end. The other 25 girls are voted off by producers based on the amount of drama/entertainment they bring to the show.

Case and Point, Sarah C.

Am I going off looks completely? Yes, and I have to because WE NEVER GOT TO KNOW HER. Maybe off screen she was a huge bitch, maybe she told Pete to go fuck himself, maybe she smells, idk?

But realistically, she was a quiet kind girl who didn’t add to much to the show other than her looks. I also truly feel Pete generally liked her because with that lack of screen time I figured she’d be gone ep. 1.

Anyway, we are 3 episodes in, and I’m really enjoying the show so far. It’s just SO obvious that Pete doesn’t really start making decisions until the end. Here’s some evidence of women that were voted off then IMO are just flat out in a different league then some of the other girls left.

Kylie R. GONE FIRST EPISODE???
Jade G… First Episode
Katrina B… First Episode

But yeah Kelsey starts fights over champagne, Shiann cries about almost everything, and Tammy is super outgoing!!!

Fuck this show, can’t get enough, but fuck it. YOU DESERVED BETTER SARAH COFFIN!

My personal top 5 based on who I want to win, NOT who I think will win:

  1. Madison
  2. Kelley
  3. Hannah Ann
  4. Victoria P
  5. Victoria F

Pecks

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‘Listen To Your Heart’ Week 4 Recap: Bachelor Producers Strike Again

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Before we get to the recap, I’d like to take a moment of silence for my man Sheridan.

Thank you.

Like many men before him, Sheridan fell for a woman who did not reciprocate the feelings he had for her. To the audience, it was pretty clear from the beginning that Julia (Sheridan’s unrequited love) was more into Brandon. It just so happened that Brandon was more interested in Savannah, which created quite the love t̶r̶i̶a̶n̶g̶l̶e̶ square. As much as I fault Julia for stringing Sheridan along even though it was obvious they didn’t share a romantic connection, the real culprit of last night’s drama is the producers.

The entire flow of the house was flipped upside down when the producers split up three couples and made them go on dates with other people. They really just wanted Julia and Brandon to go out, but they couldn’t make it too obvious, so they made Rudi and Chris and Jamie and Ryan go on dates too. Their plan worked. Brandon and Julia’s date broke up their relationships with Sheridan and Savannah, and it appeared as though neither of them has ever broken up with someone before. However, while it was clear Julia was never really interested in Sheridan, Brandon was going to do and say anything under the sun to stay on this show…even if it meant coupling up with his second choice.

Brandon, the 34-year-old folk-pop singer from Nashville, is the definition of a fuckboy. I’d say most men go through a fuckboy phase of their lives, which I’ll attribute to immaturity and raging hormones…but most men grow out of this stage in life by their mid-twenties. Some may even take their fuckboy tendencies with them into their late twenties (30 is pushing it), but these men were more than likely late bloomers, so they’re making up for lost time. But then there are the rare instances, in Brandon’s case for example, where the guy continues to act like a 19-year-old frat boy into his mid-30’s (or later). I realize that this is The Bachelor universe we’re talking about here, so fuckboys come with the territory, but most are in their twenties! By the time a guy is 34, he should pretty much know what he wants and be done playing games. Unfortunately for Savannah, Julia, and Sheridan, Brandon is still trying to figure out his life, and they were all expelled from the show because of it.

The sad reality of LTYH is that unlike the traditional Bachelor and Bachelorette shows, they’re messing with people’s careers. These aspiring musicians have been slaving away in the industry for years waiting for their opportunity to break out, and by getting cast in this show, it’s a real opportunity for people in the music industry to take notice. However, they’re forced to make a romantic connection at the same time, or risk getting booted off the show. Aside from Chris and Bri, I’m not convinced any of the remaining couples share a real connection. Rather, they’re faking it to stay on the show longer and receive more notoriety…which I don’t blame them for AT ALL.

Matt and Rudi seem to share a genuine connection, but based on the preview of next week’s episode, I don’t think they’ll last. My prediction is that Rudi’s jealous side comes out and Matt can’t handle it.

Trevor and Jamie not having a serious connection is a hot take from me. I think that on the surface, everything seems fine, but Trevor is slowly starting to realize that Jamie is a child, and he’s going to have to babysit her through every performance. I’m referring to the fact that she dreads going on stage and then cries after the performance because she doesn’t think she sang well because of her nerves. On the other hand, Trevor is a 29-year-old guy who’s comfortable with his ability and shouldn’t have to console his girlfriend before and after every time she takes the stage.

“Fuck this” – Trevor, probably.

Our last and fakest couple remaining is Ryan and Natascha. While Ryan’s feelings seem pretty genuine, Natascha is faker than Kylie Jenner’s face. I will 100% guarantee that Natascha breaks up with Ryan the minute she signs with a record label after this season. I hate to say it, but she’s got a great voice. She’s been complimented after both of their performances by actual music critics/producers, not just a former Bachelorette. Her career is probably going to take off after this, and I hate that arguably the worst person (it’s a toss-up between her and Brandon) on this show could have the best career. My disdain for Natascha began the minute she came on the show and confronted Trevor about cheating on his ex-girlfriend. She clearly knew nothing about the situation and only wanted to start drama, which is great for the show but makes her a shitty person. I’m still not even convinced she knows Trevor’d ex. From that moment on, Natascha has been public enemy numero uno in my mind. She had been relatively quiet, drama-wise, until last night when she told Julia (five minutes before her performance) that Brandon the Fuckboy said he would’ve chosen Savannah, had she wanted to stay. What world is Natascha from where she thinks that that could be interpreted as anything other than sabotage? And as we know, Julia and Brandon got voted off the show because they gave a bad performance…Natascha’s plan worked.

Even though she has the voice of an angel, Natascha is (as Elvis Presley put it) the devil in disguise. I just hope Ryan and the judges realize it before she wins this damn show. However, it’s going to be tough to match what Chris and Bri are putting out there. In all the seasons of the Bachelor I’ve watched, I’ve never seen two people so genuinely in love. They’re going to be a tough couple to beat, especially if they really do get married next week.

 

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Power Ranking Pilot Pete’s Bachelor Contestants

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Bummed that Monday Night Football has ended? Have no fear, The Bachelor is here. Yes, I’m serious. This show rules and I am not even the slightest bit ashamed to admit it. It’s the perfect trade-off for you, too. Your wife or girlfriend just surrendered her past 15 Monday nights so you can scream at the TV because you bet the over in the Chiefs-Chargers game in Mexico City. That 7,300ft altitude oozes Philly Rivers for 4 TDs, right? Wrong. Another 4th quarter comeback thwarted by an interception. Hello under and goodbye $150.

Now it’s her turn to yell at the TV when Pilot Pete picks Jessica, the Miami Dolphins cheerleader with the god-awful ombre hair instead of Megyn, the 3rd grade teacher who just got out of a long-distance relationship with her high school sweetheart because he was cheating on her with her best friend.

 

Power Ranking of Pilot Pete’s women LET’S GO

  1. Victoria P.

Victoria P started off on a really bad note.  Actually, I take that back. Before the girls hop out of the limo to meet Pete, ABC will highlight a few of them by going to their hometown and getting footage of them. Daily activities, hanging with family, blah blah blah. Victoria P had a segment in this and we came to realize that she lost her dad at a young age and then her mom fell into a battle with drug addiction. Now, her mom is sober and a part of her life again, which is great to see. Ok, so she actually started off on a great note. Her life story really makes you want to root for her…..and then came the intro.  Her intro was asking Pete to do a “happy dance” because that’s what she does with her nieces when they’re scared/nervous. Shouts to Pete for going with the flow because I would have been weirded out by that move big time. We didn’t see too much of her during the cocktail party which is a really good sign (only the crazy girls get air-time during that). Obviously her and Pete had a solid convo because she was the first one to get a  rose during the rose ceremony. What does that mean? Probably not a whole lot, but it definitely means he likes her enough to where she’ll be around for a while. She also is deathly afraid of the spinny tea cup ride at Disneyland, but we’ll forget about that.

 

2. Kelley

Kelley was also among one of the girls that had an intro video with the camera crew at her hometown. We learn that she is an attorney working for her dad’s law firm along with like, 4 of her brothers. On top of that, she tells us that she met Peter once before while attending her friend’s wedding. They must have hit it off or something because big dog Pete was fired up to see her get out of the limo. Like Victoria P, we didn’t see a whole lot of her during the cocktail party (again, that’s a good sign) and she was the third girl to get a rose during the ceremony. On the group date, she won some lame obstacle course thing and was awarded a sunset flight with Pilot Pete at the wheel. Now it gets good and we get some real drama. After their flight, everyone headed back to the hotel for a cocktail party. Our girl Kelley committed the cardinal sin of “interrupting Pete after you’ve already had time with him”. I love when this happens. The girl just spent an hour alone with Pete and now wants to snag him from some poor girl who probably doesn’t even know his dog’s name yet. I love it. This is why I lock in every Monday at 8pm PST.  AND not only did she steal him once…she did it twice. So now the whole house pretty much hates her and we wait for one of the girls to complain to Pete that she’s a bully so he dumps her. In the end, Peter held no ill-will towards her interruptions because he gave her the group date rose.

 

3. Hannah Ann

Like the previous two girls, Hannah Ann was given a quick highlight at the beginning of the show. I’m not sure if any of you are familiar with Southern girls, but this right here is the final boss of Southern girls. Double first name? Check. 23 year old that wants to get married? Check. Low-budget model? Check.  Probably only on this show to get famous? Check. Wants to move to LA to pursue a career in acting? CHECK. Ok, I might’ve gone a bit too hard on her right there, so I’ll right the ship. She seems like a good girl, and definitely someone that I can see Pete taking all the way to the end. He lost his mind when he found out her parents had been married for 26 years (thought that was kind of a normal thing, but ok), and didn’t find it weird that Hannah Ann and her dad painted a picture for him..??? Maybe they’re actually perfect for each other. During the cocktail party, Hannah Ann stole the show, and had the first kiss with Pete (I’m sure Vegas had her at -140 to get the first kiss anyways). She interrupted a couple of the girls later on during the cocktail party which helped her spend the most time with Petey. Hannah Ann was the big winner of the night when she received the coveted first impression rose, therefore placing a giant target on her back.  

 

4. Madison

Again, Madison was a part of the group of contestants that had a camera crew do a short feature on her before she got out of the limo. I guess she leads a relatively boring life, because they really hammered down on her high school basketball career. This 4-time state champ is from Birmingham, Alabama and is 100% going to be the “virgin girl” this season. I’m not saying it’s a bad thing, but there’s one every season and Madison is this season’s. She got a decent chunk of camera time during the cocktail party, but didn’t raise any red flags (Crazy girls get camera time on night number one. You should know this by now). She was the second girl to receive a rose during the ceremony, so going along with my theory, she’ll be here for a few more weeks. Her and Hannah Ann are pretty much the exact same person, but if I’m Pete I would lean towards Madison. She definitely seems like the “less needy” of the two, but maybe I’m still reeling from my critique of Hannah Ann.

 

5. Sarah

This is my dark horse right here. I know nothing about this girl. Hardly even remember her from last night’s episode. But that’s good news. The girls who don’t get much attention on the first night are usually the only non-psychos. Love that outta you, Sarah. Don’t let this short paragraph fool you, this is my girl for the remainder of the season… or at least until she does something crazy during week 5 while on a date in Lima, Peru or something.

 

 

Honorable Mention:

Courtney

Courtney had a really bad entrance where she rode in on a tiny bike/plane thing. It kinda sucked, but she seems cool and also has some absolute cans…thank God this blog post is anonymous.

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Movies

Tom Hanks Had the Best Ten Year Run of Any Actor Ever

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Tom Hanks has had an unbelievably successful career. Many people (including myself) consider him the greatest actor of all time, and deservingly so. He has made hit movie after hit movie AND brought coronavirus attention to the forefront of people’s minds (not intentionally, but nonetheless!). Anyway, I think it’s fair to say that Hanks’s stretch of movies from 1992-2002 was the greatest ten-year run of any actor ever, in the history of the universe. Let’s take a looks at what Tommy put out over that time:

  • 1992: A League of Their Own
  • 1993: Sleepless in Seattle, Philadelphia
  • 1994: Forrest Gump
  • 1995: Apollo 13, Toy Story
  • 1996: That Thing You Do!
  • 1997: (Took a well-needed break)
  • 1998: Saving Private Ryan, You’ve Got Mail
  • 1999: The Green Mile, Toy Story 2
  • 2000: Cast Away
  • 2001: Band of Brothers (Executive producer)
  • 2002: Road to Perdition, Catch Me If You Can

Unless you’ve been living under a rock your whole life, or are younger than twelve years old, you’ve heard of, if not watched, at least 80% of the movies above. He made 14 movies in ten years, four of which are arguably the best movies of all time in their respective genres.

Saving Private Ryan is probably the greatest war movie ever, and a top ten movie of all time. I could be considered biased because it’s personally my favorite movie ever, but regardless, you can’t deny that it’s about as close to perfection as a war movie can get. It’s also worth mentioning that while he didn’t star in Band of Brothers, Tom Hanks, along with Steven Spielberg gave us one of the best miniseries’ of all time. I recently made it the #1 TV show to watch during the COVID-19 quarantine, and deservingly so. It’s not a surprise that just a few years after making arguably the best WWII movie of all time, Hanks gave us the best WWII TV show of all time – the guy just loves those stories. Legend.

Toy Story is was the world’s introduction to the animation powerhouse known as Pixar. Pixar has missed on a few movies, but for the most part, they only put out classics. Toy Story should go down as one of, if not the best animated movie of all time, and the fact that if propelled Pixar to the forefront of the animated movie world makes it all the more impressive.

The first time Tom Hanks teamed up with Meg Ryan was in 1990’s Joe Versus the Volcano, which is the ultimate movie to watch on shrooms. Actually, it was so weird when I watched it sober that I think I’d be way too freaked out if I watched it high. Regardless, if you want to watch something that is truly unique I recommend watching it. 1993’s Sleepless in Seattle, however, was a much more traditional and marketable movie for Hanks and Ryan. It’s also one of the best rom-coms ever made. As someone who loves The Bachelor, it shouldn’t be a surprise that I am a huge fan of rom coms, and Sleepless in Seattle is a top-tier choice.

As far as sports movies go, specifically baseball movies, A League of Their Own is one of the best of all time. It tells the story of the first female professional baseball league amidst the backdrop of WWII (inarguably one of Hanks’s favorite era’s). It also gave us the classic line “There’s no crying in baseball!” delivered by Hanks himself. It’ll make you laugh, it’ll make you cry, and I don’t think anyone else could’ve played the role of Jimmy Dugan better than Tom Hanks.

And I couldn’t write a Tom Hanks blog without mentioning Forrest Gump. It’s absurd to me that there are a group of people out there who actually think this is a bad movie. I understand that the movie’s storyline is absurd in its own right, but it’s a FANTASY. In the real world it would be nearly impossible for one man (with an IQ of 75) to make it out of rural Alabama to be a college football star, war hero, ping pong phenom, millionaire restaurateur, and cross country (literally) runner, but that’s the film’s charm! I’ll admit the Jenny storyline can get frustrating, but the rest of the movie overwhelmingly redeems the plot. I’m sure the same people that hate Forrest Gump also hate Inglorious Bastards and Once Upon a Time…in Hollywood because those movies took actual historical events and modified the details to change the course of history. Idiots. Love you Hanx!

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‘Love is Blind’ is Trash TV But I Enjoyed Every Second of It

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I’ve allowed myself to become a die-hard fan of The Bachelor, and I have no regrets about it. I let myself be a fan of one “trash tv” show and that was it. I haven’t gotten involved in any E! or Bravo shows, which is tough because social media is dominated by clips from those shows (KUWTK, Real Housewives, Project Runway, etc.). That was until Love is Blind starting sweeping the nation as Netflix continues it’s run of dominance in every facet of Hollywood and is now producing reality tv shows.

People get engaged before ever seeing each other in person? They have to get married within a month of their engagement? It’s set in Atlanta, not Los Angeles or New York? It had all the makings of a show I thought I would hate…but I didn’t. It took an episode for me to fully commit, but after that I was hooked. I had to make it to episode ten to see if anyone got married. And surprisingly, two actually did! The craziest part about this show is that it was filmed in 2018, which means these couples had to keep their relationship a secret for over a year! Bachelor couples having to wait a couple months to announce seems hard enough, but Love is Blind took it to a whole new level.

One of the biggest issues I had with the show was that I didn’t get a “where are they now” portion in the season finale. So, when I heard they were releasing a reunion show on March 5th I was ecstatic. I had to know if Barnett and Amber and Cameron and Lauren were still together. I knew Cameron and Lauren would still be together given Cam cries every time he even thinks about how amazing Lauren is, so the big mystery in my mind was Barnett and Amber.

Amber doesn’t really have a job (by her own choosing), her living situation consists of jumping from friend’s house to friend’s house, and she has a ton of debt. In all honesty, Amber is a loser. It’s weird saying that about a girl because that term is usually reserved for men, but it’s true. She said a large portion of her debt is from buying makeup, c’mon now. And Barnett has his own home, a good job, and a good family (Amber has a good family too), so I didn’t think they’d last more than a couple months. But to my astonishment, Amber and Barnett were still together! Biggest shocker since Arie dumped Becca for Lauren on season 22 of The Bachelor.

The best part of the entire night was when Amber went OFF on Jessica for outwardly flirting with Barnett the entire time she was engaged to Mark. Jessica and Mark were never going to work, and it was surprising to that Mark couldn’t see that. She was uncomfortable about his age the minute she heard about it and seeing that he wasn’t some tall, blonde hair blue-eyed stud didn’t help his case. At the reunion, Jessica ended things friendly with Mark and attempted to do the same with Amber, but she wasn’t having it. If another woman so much as touches Barnett, she’ll beat her face in, so Jessica should just be thankful there was a room full of cameras and witnesses when she was all over Barnett.

Then there was the apology between Carlton and Diamond who ended things on the show just about as badly as I’ve ever seen a relationship end. I saw why it would’ve been hard for Carlton to come out to Diamond, but at the same time, he probably should’ve told her before they got engaged. Diamond also could’ve had a better reaction but in the moment that’s a pretty shocking thing to hear and it’s understandable why she needed some time to process. However, the minute Carlton called her a bitch it was game over. He still had only known this girl for about two weeks, so regardless of whether or not they were engaged, she wasn’t going to stand for that. But at the reunion we learned that they had been messaging each other a little bit and were friendly at that point. They’ll never date again but there will always be love, baby.

Kenny For President

I have never seen a person handle adversity as gracefully as Kenny did. He had just been dumped on the altar by a woman he was ready to marry and what does he do? He addresses the crowd in with a speech I can only assume was something out of an Abe Lincoln speech, my God.

“Today is not our day, but I love each and every one of y’all, and it’s something that I’ll cherish and be grateful for forever.”

Now THAT is a man. The guy just had his heart ripped out of his chest and he still had the courage to give family and friends a closing speech. And of course I couldn’t mention Kenny’s speech without mentioning how Kelly’s mom capped it off by whispering “God I love this guy” to someone.

I think every parent would want their little girl to end up with a guy like Kenny. Once again…KENNY FOR PRESIDENT.

We also learn that Damian and Giannina have gotten back together after he dumped her on the altar, and she went running around Atlanta presumably looking for answers. While they seem to be doing great, I still can’t make sense of the two of them. We already know that Damian isn’t phenomenal in the sack, plus he’s the most robotic person I’ve ever seen speak. Giannina on the other hand is very bubbly and has a lively personality. Apparently opposites do attract because on paper these two couldn’t be a worse fit for each other.

One of the parts about the show that really made it work was that they were all from the same city: Atlanta. My biggest concern with his process going into it was “how are they going to get married in a month when they don’t even live in the same city. That remains one of my concerns with The Bachelor. While relationships are always about compromise, moving to a different city, let alone a different state is a much bigger decision than moving in with your husband who lives 30 minutes away from you. So, I’d like to see Love is Blind come make its way to every city around the U.S. – matchmaking people that aren’t as shallow as Bachelor contestants and are prioritizing love over Instagram followers!

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Pilot Pete is Starting to Really Piss Me Off

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I just finished the 4th episode of The Bachelor, and I’m quite fired up. If I hear this jerkoff Pete say “I have a really strong feeling about ______” I’m going to lose my mind. I get to a certain extent you need to keep the audience guessing, but geez dude, every girl you get 5 seconds with, you instantly feel a super strong connection, fuck off. Like if I’m in his shoes, I’d have some clear favorites, but I guess that wouldn’t make great TV.

Pete decided to bring Alayah back…BAD MOVE. Irregardless of if she was lying or not it showed all the girls that he’s a huge pushover and clearly isn’t a confident decision maker. We are 4 weeks in and I thought Pete was going to have a mental breakdown just about 12 times. It’s embarrassing Pete. You’re on a TV show with 30 girls who want to date you, calm the fuck down.

As for the rest of the drama, fuck production for that Chase Rise and Victoria F nonsense. Way too obvious of a production set up and I actually felt bad for the girl cause that shit was awkward AF.

Some quick notes and notable reactions to the girls.

  • Victoria P: don’t know if I can trust you anymore.. also when you told Pete you didn’t want to talk, you were a total c word about it and I would have told you to pack your bags right then and there.
  • Mykenna: Are you ever not about to have a nervous breakdown? You’re 22 sweetie you have your whole life and a lot of boys ahead of you.
  • Shiann: I can’t stand her existence, she sucks, all she does is cry and bitch. Be more assertive and less of a goddamn cry baby. But seriously stop saying “idk if I can do this… I just can’t… this isn’t fair…” if that’s the case DONT LET THE DOOR HIT YOU ON THE WAY OUT
  • Sydney: I’ve only heard you complain.
  • Natasha: You kind of act like you’re too good for Pete, and if that’s the case either stop caring so much or just leave the show.
  • Victoria F: almost a really good performance, but then you cried in the corner like a toddler. Sick.
  • Kelsey: I just don’t like you after episode 1. Unlike Pete, first impressions matter to me.
  • Alayah: I don’t like your character and the drama you unnecessarily bring to the house. He’s not going to pick you in the end, why don’t you do us all a favor, and gtfo.
  • Kelley: absolute cannon for an arm.

After 4 episodes… Rankings have moved a bit but the upper echelon of the group is starting to separate themselves.

My Rankings after week 4

  1. Madison
  2. Hannah Ann
  3. Victoria F
  4. Kelley
  5. Everyone else (and it ain’t even close)

Pecks

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